Aug 112019
Are you living or surviving?

Settling for what’s comfortable is not living life to the fullest. How much are you really living, or are you just surviving?

Feeling utterly sucked in by everything that is going on at the moment. Choices, changes, hopes and dreams, fears and questions. My mind is a swirling vortex of thoughts. I try so hard to go within, to feel what I need to feel. To stop thinking and wondering, and just go with the flow. So I’m letting it flow out here, so I can breathe and go back inside where my peace is.

Some days I really just want to go live in either a little cabin in the woods, by a river, or in a monastery. Away from outside influences. Away from the world. And I might be able to for a while, but I know my inner nomad, my wanderer, will stick out her head before long.

Sometimes I wish I could just settle like other people. Get a “stable” job and work there for the rest of my life. Buy a house, do homework with the kids every day for 12 years, make a pretty home. It seems so easy. Why do I always have to rock the boat? Why can’t I just fit the mould?

I am always asking, is this it? Is this all there is to it? I want more! I want to live in peace with my family and see the world. Is it double standards? Should I just be happy with living in peace with my family? The most precious moments are with them. Those are the moments I want more of. But it feels like society has it in for the peaceful family-loving parent.

Work, work, work. See my kids two hours every day, during which we have to do homework, cook, eat dinner, take a bath and read a bedtime story (without freaking the hell out). This is no longer enough for me! Not by a long shot. In some years from now, they will be grown, our time together will be over, and what will we have but the memories of time spent together?

One day you will wake up and there won’t be anymore time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.

Paulo Coelho

I want to look back on my life and sigh with satisfaction, not regret. To live a full life, spending the majority of my time with my family, not slaving away. I want to show them the world, and see it myself. Trek up Machu Picchu, visit the monks in Tibet, take a ride on a river raft, walk the Great Wall of China and experience Rio’s Carnival!

I want to stop being so goddamn afraid that living my life to the fullest will backfire in some way. Stop fearing the future, and start doing the living things now. I am tired of settling! So tired. There are so many things I want to experience, too many to count. It is time to get out and start doing them.

I am so grateful for the living that I have already done. Some wonderful experiences that I have had, that fill my soul with heavenly music. I won’t stop there but will push the limits of my comfort zone. I will look my inner introvert in the face and smile. Anything I can think of, I can do. I will do. Let’s go!

Read more: You might enjoy reading about our move to the Czech Republic. Our first day there was one of the hardest of my life, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

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