For the past 4 years I have been on a new journey. A journey of discovering what I really believe. What is really in my heart? What do I think? Not, what did religion teach me to think.
Questioning my reality, examining my truth
For years I didn’t even know there was a difference. I believed what I was taught to believe. I thought the same way as almost everybody else I knew (with a few precious exceptions, some other rainbow sheep in my family…).
And then I came to the most important place I believe any person can come to. A place of questioning. A place of, I just don’t know. I feel this is important, because it is here where I could start taking things apart and examining them properly.
I am still in the process of examining, that’s for sure. But I have also looked at some things in my life, and some things in society, and I have decided (for myself) that some of it works for me, and some of it doesn’t. Some of it is beautiful and unique, and some of it is not.
Letting go of being a people-pleaser
The most difficult part of this (more so than the actual letting go of 30 years of conditioning… which is really hard!), is the letting go of people who cannot respect my journey of awakening to myself. That people, who I was once so close to, couldn’t stomach my change. That these people couldn’t put aside their beliefs of being right, and felt they had to cut me out of their lives. That hurt the most. Second to that, the fact that these people never even made the effort to ask me what my journey was about, before shutting the door in my face.
I guess this is also part of my finding out who I really am. I have always been a people-pleaser. So it is hard to suddenly be the odd one out. Maybe I shouldn’t call this a new journey. It is just a different part of the same journey. And I love it!
Newfound discoveries in my spiritual journey
Some of the priceless discoveries I have made for myself and believe, are:
- There is only one God. It is not a person, a He or She. It is what underlies everything. It is sacred and wonderful. Some call it God, others call it Universe, Source, Spirit, Energy, Higher Self. It doesn’t really matter. It is all true. The difference is only in how a person experiences It, which also doesn’t matter, as long as it is about Love.
- Religion is necessary for some, and not for others.
- Religion is also at some point not necessary at all. It can actually become a hindrance in spiritual growth, when it keeps you from discovering and from loving.
- Religion divides. You cannot objectively say this isn’t true. The moment a person believes there is only one Way, that person becomes separated from others. And this separation is not Love. Also, condescending acceptance and pity of those who are (according to any religion) “lost”, but “God will save them”, is not love. This is not God.
- The spiritual growth, love and oneness with God that I have experienced these last years, has been because I chose to step out of my religious comfort zone. Because it was the time for me to do so. I could have chosen to ignore the call from Spirit and stay in my happy bubble, but the bubble had become really uncomfortable at that point.
- I don’t need a teacher. Spirit teaches me, because I am one with it. I just need to learn to listen, as do all of us.
- I am grateful for everything I have learnt. Everything. It has shaped me and brought me to this place, and will take me further. Nothing is ever a waste.
- There is no one right way. There may be one God/Source/Energy, but there is not one right way. The only right way is for me to follow my heart (which is not deceptive, but wonderful and true… the mind is deceptive).
- It’s okay to change your mind. And change it again. There is no need for me to stick to a certain decision. It was right at the time, and then time changed. I changed. I grew. Nothing is wasted.
Being liberated from fear
I am starting to not be afraid. Afraid of what you might think. Afraid that you might not want to be my friend anymore. I am freeing myself from that. I would love to still be your friend. But it doesn’t define me. I would love to have long, deep conversations with you, and share my ideas and thoughts, without expecting you to think the same way I do. But I would want you to give me the same honour and respect. And not in a “I pray you’ll find the truth someday” way.
Someone recently told me that by speaking my mind I was hurting others, and I was honestly shocked. All I was doing was sharing my precious journey and loving people. How could this be hurtful? Because they don’t believe the same as I do?
I will continue to share what I find beautiful and of Love. I will share my thoughts, ideas and opinions. I will write thought-provoking things, not to hurt, but to get us all thinking. I will keep on digging into what I have been taught, asking questions and examining things to find if it is truly Love, or just social conditioning. And if what I find is not of Love, then I will set to work changing myself, healing myself. If anyone is offended by this, I am not sorry. I love you. But I will not apologise for being and believing who I am and what I believe. I am not asking anyone to follow me. I am asking you to follow your heart, just as I follow mine.
So please, ask me directly, I will love to have a conversation (not a debate, I am not open for debating or convincing or proving). I love deep, honest, open conversation. Everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be, and if we are supposed to be moving on but don’t, then Spirit/Universe/God will in some way or another, give us a shove to get moving. Just keep your heart open and willing. Willing to grow and receive in the way that works for you. This is what I always try to do, though sometimes I still fail, but it is a journey.